NEWS BRIEFS
A Fairy Tale Christmas
Christmas was very strange this year. It was a hot day in the early summer. There was no tree. No decorations. Nothing really except a small pile of presents in a trio of stockings my parents sent us (Niko got one too). We made some ham (which tastes eh), we sat around and relaxed, and we generally tried to avoid doing anything productive. It sort of worked out. I mean, you can only be soo lazy, after all. One thing we did do, though, was watch Shrek and Shrek 2. We'd been planning to do that for a few days and Christmas seemed to be a good time to start. They both were as memorable as ever, but Shrek the Third, on Friday, and Shrek Forever After on Saturday were slightly different experiences. I'd only seen the first of those twice before, and I don't think I've ever seen the second since it was in the theatres, despite having owned it for half a decade. We both agreed that Shrek 4 was the better of the pair and wrapped up the series pretty well in new and inventive ways. We also watched all the shorts that had been made for the Shrek franchise, and some were better than others, but they were all fun. I now feel better about watching a movie marathon here, but I don't really want to do another one quite yet. We watched a bunch of Leonardo di Caprio movies earlier this week and that kind of soured me to longer films for a while. We did see Big Hero 6 on Boxing Day, though, and that was quite good. I'll definitely be grabbing a copy of it when it comes to DVD.
Right, so Christmas. It went okay, but it wasn't spectacular. The gifts were great, though!
The Great Temblor of 2014
A few days before Christmas, in the late afternoon, the house shook under a walloping 4.0 earthquake (it got upgraded from 3.9). About two hours later, a second temblor came by and reminded us the earth wasn't finished yet. Neither of the quakes bugged me much: we're in a single story building that (mostly) survived the last three major earthquakes from 2010-11 so I feel it can hold its own at this point. Kara got a bit freaked out, though, even trying to sympathize with the people of Christchurch (generally not a good thing since the blame the earthquake for pretty much everything). Niko was the most freaked out, charging frantically into the bedroom and hiding under it during both shakes. Kara and I walked over to the door frame, where we are told it is safe. She doubts the sincerity of that thought, even though everyone always says it. Whatever. So earthquakes apparently do still happen here. Who'd a thunk it?
Boxing Day: a.k.a. Anti-Black Friday
There is something mysterious to the United States regarding Boxing Day. First, we don't have it. That's because we have no need to celebrate or even remember the Boxer Rebellion in China because, well, we weren't there or had anything to do with it. I don't think many Kiwis were there either, but New Zealand still celebrates it. That being said, it's mostly just a day off from work after Christmas. The much-hyped Boxing Day sales phenomenon has completely bypassed New Zealand for the simple reason that their tax period ends March 31st, which means businesses don't need to clear our their inventories after Christmas like in the US and UK. Thus, we were tragically disappointed that stores had hardly anything on sale worth buying, and most of the sales were sad. Really sad. Like, 20% or less. In other words, we have yet to figure out when the real sales season is here, if there is one. Kiwis! Pah!
Taylor and His Big Mistake
On Christmas, we did take one detourous journey down the Canterbury coast to a hamlet known as Taylor's Mistake, which is little more than a beach with some houses nearby. Those houses, though, are the last remnant of a once-thriving beach cottage (called "bachws" here; pronounced "backs") tradition that once lined the Port Hills south of Christchurch. Storms, floods, earthquakes, and landslides have overwhelmingly destroyed most of these beach homes, but roughly two dozen still survive at this little cove. The homes were built in the early years of the century right above the high tide line on the beach, so they are truly beachfront property. But the county doesn't allow any more to be built because of safety and insurance concerns, so those that are left are highly valued and most are well-maintained within reason. Part of the allure of the baches are that they are a bit shabby. A few dotted the overgrown hillsides, probably still used periodically but an utter pain, probably, to access. The community is entirely seasonal there so in the winter the hamlet would undoubtedly be empty.
The name of the community comes from a a ship captain, presumably surnamed Taylor, who anchored in the cove in the 1850s thinking that he had reached Sumner, which is two coves to the north. In later years, the cliffs above the cove were reinforced with machine guns and artillery to defend Christchurch during World War II. Those are gone now, but the sites remain popular hiking destinations much like Cabrillo National Monument in San Diego.
Washers, Dryers & Clothes Lines
For our stranger aspect of New Zealand, I present to you the confusing state of the laundry industry here. Washing machines are the most logical requirement in a laundry scheme. They are generally straightforward devices, though the ones here are almost always top-loading, despite common knowledge in the US that front-loaders are better for clothes and more energy efficient (Kiwis don't really worry about water conservation much; water is everywhere here). Dryers are another matter entirely. They are all small, all front loaders, and all look the same. They also don't have a lent trap like in the US but rather have one installed on the face of the dryer, accessible from the outside by pulling off the front of the door. No joke! But it hardly matters since most Kiwis only use dryers when it's blisteringly cold, absurdly windy, and heavily raining or snowing outside (all three must be present). Whenever only two or fewer of those conditions are met, clotheslines are used. The clothes fly in all directions in the wind, getting wet in the rain, snow, and hail, while freezing in the bitter cold of the night. Why this archaic tactic is used is because energy prices are ridiculously high here and the cost to run a dryer, even during off-peak hours, is too much except in times of extreme necessity. While aspects of New Zealand are certainly of the first world, the laundry habits are lacking severely.
DISCLAIMER
The Khagan Weekly is the unofficial news outlet for an American living in Christchurch, New Zealand. Anything he says can and may be used against him. His statements should be taken as factual, except when they are not. All rights reserved, except where prohibited...like in Russia. They prohibit everything there. Psh. Punks. Let's start a punt Putin day. That'd be fun.
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