NEWS BRIEFS
Takin' a Break for Five Battles of an Army...Wait...
This Tuesday we had the distinct privilege of seeing The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies before most of the rest of the world. In fact, the United States has not yet been able to see it, at least not publicly. That was a cool experience all in itself, but the it also marked the first time we went to a movie theatre here. And let me tell you, it was HUGE! I mean, it was one of the biggest non-IMAX movie theatres I've been to, and it was bigger than even some of the IMAX. The sound was excellent, the screen quality great, and it wasn't even the largest theatre they had. That being said, the Kiwis do a few things differently than in the US.
For starters, you know those pre-show advertising blocks that intermix adds with short previews and other stuff? Well, here those begin at the time listed for the film to begin. They also intermix the trailers in with those, though there are fewer trailers (and they don't have the big green "preview" screen before them). Thus, if you get to a move early, there is absolutely nothing playing before it. No music, no pre-show, nothing. If you get to it on time, you still have to sit through 20 minutes of ads and whatnot, many of which are not previews for other films. It was a bit jarring, to be honest.
The second strange thing is that the seats are assigned here. That's right, assigned. We went to an 11:20 show on Thursday morning and found ourselves in someone else's seats. Once we relocated, we were crammed next to a smelly guy even though there were open seats literally everywhere else in the theatre. Now I understand some of the reasons for assigned seating: the perk of picking seats online, the ability to more adequately cram a theatre full, as a way of insuring everyone gets the best seats possible. That all being said, it was really dumb. As soon as the film started, we scooted over a seat where we were fortunate to find nobody sitting. But our first seats were amazing and we were slightly annoyed that some other guy, who arrived later, took them from us.
At least the movie was enjoyable, though not really on par with any of the other Hobbit or Lord of the Rings films except The Desolation of Smaug.
Working For The (Kiwi) Man
This week we also were accepted to our first jobs. We have training next Tuesday. We will be sitting in on College of Arts classes (our college) and taking notes for students that have some disability impairing their ability to take notes. That means we will get paid $17 an hour to go to lectures, learn, and not have to interact or do homework. Pretty good deal, I think. The hardest part will be remembering to look like an studious student rather than a note-taker, because it's all done hush-hush.
As a part of the employment process, we also discovered the depths of paperwork required to get a job in New Zealand. And I really mean depths. Even though we have work visas, we still have to get tax IDs, which won't be issued until after Christmas. Hopefully this won't effect our employment prospects. We also have to include bank info (all paychecks are direct deposit; no checks), drivers license info (even though we don't drive), passport info, visa info, and all sorts of other things. We didn't even fill out sections because we weren't sure what we were supposed to write. It's all quite crazy. I'll write more on this next week after we figure out more specifically what we're doing.
Goodbye to the Western Diet
Well it has been two months now since we moved in and Kara began our new diet of low carbohydrates and high protein. And, despite my best efforts to the contrary, it is working spectacularly well for me. I have lost 20 pounds in the past two months and am still dropping. I doubt I'll get the abs of Chris Hemsworth, but I am the lightest I have been since 2011 and 2005, with better prospects for less weight in the near future. My diet has switched entirely to a lot more home-made goods using things like spelt flour and homegrown herbs. I am not joking, read Why We Get Fat? by Gary Taubes or his earlier and more technical book, Good Calories, Bad Calories. I'm not one to pitch things like this, so you know there's got to be a reason. It does take longer to make things each week such as cooking eggs for breakfast, baking bread and tortillas, and slow-cooking pinto beans and tomato basil soup, but it's worth it. Americans in general are on a diet funded by the Food & Drug Administration, a governmental branch largely funded and sponsored by Big Agriculture. Here's a suggestion to the government: end lobbying entirely and stop food subsidies. If you do, medicine will become more effective, food will become healthier, and people in general will become healthier. It's as simple as that. The food pyramid is an utter lie and, I really hate to say this because I feel ya, humans are omnivores. That means they eat plants and meat. And not all plants are healthy, including high-sugar fruits such as apples and bananas, but virtually all commonly-consumed meat is healthy. Buy the book. Read it. Learn from it. Lose those pounds you were never able to lose before and feel better while you're doing it.
Dinner à la Carte
Kara and I have not had a great time eating out here. Besides the high prices, the menus are generally short and the company is often decidedly lacking. So far we've gone out with a homestay and two separate groups of students. We also have gone to a few school events, such as this Thursday which saw us whittle away two hours doing little more than talking to people we already know. This isn't a terrible thing except we know relatively few people here, so talking to those few means there are tons of other people we aren't talking to. Humanities people generally lack initiative, myself included, but a forced mix-and-mingle at the event on Thursday would have been nice.
On Friday, though, we went out with a different group of Humanities students from various disciplines as a part of an agreed-upon campaign to revitalise the Humanities social environment. Or at least that's what we thought we were doing. Up until the very end of dinner, we were under the impression that our $50 meal was being paid for by the School of Humanities, mostly because that was the entire purpose of the dinner outing: to use up the funds that the school gave us when the Humanities social group first formed. Unfortunately, everything fell apart behind our back, sparking Kara into taking over the entire thing next year (the others don't know this yet. SHhhhh!). We had our hints, such as the fact that about 1/3 of the people there weren't students but spouses and partners of students. Also, when I asked the leader, or so we thought he was, he kind of laughed it off and changed the subject. Kara confronted him later and discovered that he had no idea that was the plan, despite he making that plan two months ago. See? A lack of communication here. Which brings me to...
Tall Poppy Syndrome
New Zealanders have a general aversion to standing out. They call it "tall poppy syndrome" and it is virtually universal here. It is one of the strangest problems ever. It makes the entire population of New Zealand seem like introverts. I'm an introvert. Kara's even more of one. Yet both of us find this concept ridiculous. People will literally look down on you if you try too hard or rise up above others. We realise now that this is the reason why the Humanities department lacks initiative to do events except those led by its British and American faculty (such as my advisor). It explains why Kiwis generally appear moderately jovial but overwhelmingly dull. It also explains why there seems to be a universal dislike for Peter Jackson, quite literally the world's most famous New Zealander right now. he's standing up high, which means nobody likes him. This is a real problem, though, because it is damaging the whole city of Christchurch. Everything is done slow and steady, including the reconstruction effort. Nobody seems to have original ideas and few try to express themselves in loud ways. And while in the United States I get really tired of people standing taller than they should be, here I wish a few more people would even be visible over the all-consuming crowd. Everybody seems to live their life in as normal a way as possible: it's like Pleasantville except with more swearing and modern conveniences. Kara and I are planning to stage a coup next year, overturning the Humanities School and the whole College of Arts, but we realistically fear that people may not be interested simply because they don't want to stand out.
DISCLAIMER
The Khagan Weekly is the unofficial news outlet for an American living in Christchurch, New Zealand. Anything he says can and may be used against him. His statements should be taken as factual, except when they are not. All rights reserved, except where prohibited...like in Russia. They prohibit everything there. Psh. Punks. Let's start a punt Putin day. That'd be fun.
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